I’ve been embracing the whole “life is a journey/life is an adventure” motto for a long time. I’ve even been known to throw in a few “it’s all good” or “all part of the journey/learning.” This doesn’t mean that I don’t also get caught up in the moments of “hard” or “disappointing” or “overwhelm”. Afterall, it’s all part of it, yes? 😉
Last weekend my beloved, our two dogs (Lucy & Fizzy) and I took a field trip of sorts to Durango, CO to do a book signing for Maria’s Bookshop. (If you haven’t been there, check it out! It’s an amazing store!) Anyway… We decided to use the opportunity to also meet with a realtor and check out properties. This didn’t take long as there aren’t many in our budget. Friday night we had a great visit with our friends. Saturday we wandered, had lunch, met with our realtor, saw one condo that we didn’t love, drove to another condo that we then weren’t allowed to see, then “DogDad” dropped me off at the bookstore and went to retrieve the dogs.
I was a few minutes early but they let me set up. Great! I was full of optimism and terror. You know most of us authors are introverts, right? I made a choice after some years in the world of cublicles and tech to take a front line customer service job (at a coffee house) just to teach myself how to talk to people and banter without paralyzing self-consciousness. It was one of my best decisions (not from a financial standpoint, of course, but for my wellbeing). As you can see from the picture, I was right there on the sidewalk, nestled under a lovely shade tree. I was alone for 30-minutes. Exactly 4 people responded to my “Hello”. Two of them without looking or slowing down. One of them asked how I was doing as they passed by. And one actually stopped and asked about my book. She was very sweet and generous with her time, as was her toddler who was more interested in the brightly colored piano about 12 feet away. The moment she spent there gave me hope. But then I returned to invisibility.
What an interesting thing invisibility is. I had moments of feeling it deeply in my soul. It was hard. Touched on all the trigger nerves of insecurity. I wondered what was taking my beloved so long even though I knew it hadn’t been as long as it felt. I tried to shift it and entertain myself. I became an observer for all the moments in between interactions. The interactions briefer than the moments. And then I finally saw my relief crew. You know how dogs greet you when they haven’t seen you for an hour or two? That is good medicine for the self-conscious abyss of doubt and disappointment! Something about having company changes the whole feel.
All in all, I sold 1 book from the 2 hours on that sidewalk. But the story doesn’t end. Afterwards we were having dinner at a dog friendly cafe down the street. We got into a conversation with a woman about Lucy & Fizzy and one of us mentioned that I had just finished a book signing. Her eyes lit up. I gave her one of my stickers because I had run out of cards in my wallet. Honestly, I did think much more of it. We finished dinner and were on the next block when I heard “Serra!” from what seemed like far away. Honestly, this is why my pen name sounds the same as my real name…so I will look when I hear it. This lovely lady, Robin, was not quite running down the street with my book in her hand. Wow! I can’t tell you the mixture of joy and disbelief. But I am forever grateful for that moment. It is all about allowing the joyful moments to fill us up completely.
The last 2 – 3 weeks have been interesting. We are slowly packing up the excess in our tiny house, while I’m plugging away at book 2 and launching the Write Hive writing group with my fellow hive-mates, and preparing for a trip to Ireland which I can’t hardly contain myself about, all while updating resumes and peeking at job openings while knowing that we are about to be out of town for a minute, and still showing up to our current jobs. And this is what I mean by all of it, all at once. Because, this is the texture of life, the complexity of the weave creates beauty and nuance. As long as I can remind myself to breathe and have a sense of humor about pretty much everything…we are in good shape.
Thanks so much for reading.
Big love,
~Serra